A Father’s Reflection on a meaningful three months
Now that we have three month old and a toddler, my work life is looking a little different. My hours working are squeezed in during naps and after bedtimes. I find time wherever I can because helping others navigate personal finance in a mindful and meaningful way is my greatest joy (well, right next to my children).
But, I’m not the only one working on the business at odd hours. Each post you read has been carefully edited by my husband. Every single week, he makes sure I don’t have (too many) typos and that my thoughts are coherent. He also listens to me talk tirelessly about financial and behavioral concepts and indulges me in many similar conversations over breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
And while Chad is my editor, he also enjoys writing. So, when he asked if he could write a post reflecting on the past three months he was on paternity leave, I was thrilled to have the opportunity to instead be his editor.
Without further ado, the following was written by my sweet husband, Chad:
My first son required surgery the day following his birth in October 2020. I am grateful that his recovery was astonishingly quick and, including a follow-up operation, he was able to come home after a mere six-week stint in the NICU. Our family has much to be thankful for, but his mother and my wife, Hannah, deserves a substantial amount of the praise.
At the time, I was working at a private law firm crafting custom estate plans and drafting commercial documents like leases and promissory notes for small businesses. It was a small, family firm that understood the gravity of my family’s situation. We were also half a year into the pandemic, so remote work became the routine and I was able to complete some of my tasks at his tiny bedside. Towards the end of the year, however; it was becoming clear that I was exhausting some of the good-will of the firm. I was kindly asked to return to the office for some hours a week and my workload began to interfere with my desire to be with my family.
So, I quit.
That year, Hannah was working full time as an Attorney in our local government. It was the incredible benefit package offered by her employer (and you, dear taxpayer) that obviated any concern of medical costs of the birth and subsequent operations and she was afforded 12-weeks of leave thanks to the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA). Upon her return to work after our son was born, her work remained entirely remote. The three of us could be home together while we navigated the new, delirious world of parenting.
When we made the decision together that I could leave my job, we didn’t have a Scrooge McDuck vault of cash—we’re millennials. The thing that made the transition a possibility was that Hannah already did the work on our household finances to understand our “Bottom Line”: the amount of money we needed to bring in as a family every month. With some meaningful engagement and strategic planning, Hannah’s mastery over our budget gave me the freedom to be a stay-at-home dad (a “SAHD” Chad) during a critical time. We, together, were confident she could support us financially while I offered support at home. It was a simple comparison of the number on her paycheck against our anticipated costs of living. The first number is easy to know, and the second one takes work.
It was during my tenure as a SAHD that Hannah refined her mastery. Before the arrival of our children, we paid off all of our debt (except our mortgage). We became extremely sensitive to costs and Hannah would memorialize every single transaction in her monthly budget report with the goal that we would never be unprepared upon receipt of a bill ever again. Gazing upon her spreadsheets is now the household finances equivalent to peering into a crystal ball.
Not only were we eminently comfortable during my wonderful adventure home as a new dad, we felt like we were onto something revolutionary. Hannah cultivated such a passion for refining our own financial situation that she began to consult with other friends and families to share our new money philosophy. Empowering other people to take control of their situations was addictive and she decided to start working on the ‘Bottom Line’ business full-time.
We both knew starting a business would invite risk to our own Bottom Line since we didn’t have a stable paycheck upon which to rely. An opportunity arose for me to take a similar attorney position in another local government. I took that one, and she began to work on Bottom Line full-time.
Another year later, we were to expect our second son. He was born in March of this year. This time around, I was the one afforded 12 weeks of FMLA. What transpired was the most meaningful and important three months of my life. It was all possible because of the freedom that Hannah has baked into the Bottom Line philosophy.
When you know your Bottom Line, you have the freedom to make meaningful choices. To me, that choice is to be a present father. Sometimes our situations make the right choices more difficult to make. If we improve our financial situation, that is one fewer barrier to making the right one.
Hannah’s understanding of our household’s finances has given me the opportunity to be present with my family. The past three months on leave, as quickly as they went, were only available because of Hannah. Our values—not just about money, but about everything—inform our available choices. By showing me how to improve my relationship with money, I’m going to have a stronger relationship with my sons and my partner. I am beaming with my appreciation for Hannah and what she’s created: and that’s the Bottom Line.
With Father’s Day just passing, we found the timing for this post appropriate. However, I’d be remiss to not reflect, very briefly, on how grateful we are for Chad. It has been the most magical three months for me. We have had uninterrupted time together and all of our bonds grew.
I love you, Chad. Thank you for always supporting my goals and values, living and breathing Bottom Line with me, and taking such great care of our family. ❤️