Conscious and unconscious barriers.
For the past eleven years, I’ve participated in the Big Brothers Big Sisters program. I was assigned a “little sister” in 2010. At the time, she was seven years old. She was ever polite, so shy, and completely adorable. Over the past decade, I witnessed her teenage years and watched her blossom into a young woman. We’ve shared a lot of life experiences together – family, relationships, and milestones.
She just graduated high school and was the first in her family. She is proud of her accomplishment. Yet, she doesn’t quite know what the next step is.
To celebrate her graduation, I took her out to the dinner of her choice. During dinner, I asked her about her future plans. As she told me, I heard things that seemed so very much like a *19* year old but the more I thought about it, everything she told me I’ve heard (and said myself!) in some variation from people of all walks and ages.
My little sister doesn’t have a car, so when we talked about her future work plans, she explained that in order to get a job she first needed to get a car. She also told me that before she starts working or going to school, perhaps she should move to another city to start fresh. She explained, in different words, that there were other barriers that had to be overcome before she could start school or a job.
I’ve often created barriers or conditions when I’m nervous, anxious, or avoiding something. At various times in my life, I’ve felt like I couldn’t exercise unless I had certain exercise clothes. I couldn’t start a business unless I had a new computer. I couldn’t share knowledge about something unless I had certain credentials. These barriers meant that I didn’t take a step towards something that was meaningful.
Getting a car without having the ability to maintain the car or insure the car is obviously faulty logic. There are jobs within walking distance from her home or from the bus route. Thinking that she needs to move to another city to grow into herself is also backwards. But for her, these are things that justify delaying her goals. And yet, they are so relatable. Have you heard yourself say something similar? Maybe something like, “I will start saving and investing when I have a different job or earn more money”. Or, “when the kids are on summer vacation, we will spend less money”. Perhaps, you, like me, want just the right clothes before you begin a new exercise regimen.
Sometimes, you need a sounding board to call you out when you’re making excuses or creating barriers. My little sister and I got to talk about these barriers and I think (and hope!) she realized that these preconditions weren’t necessary for her to take accomplish her future goals.
Where might you be creating barriers, consciously or unconsciously, that are holding you back?