Discovering what’s important.
I have always struggled with birthdays. I build them up to be big events and then I feel disappointed by how they go. It’s something I’m not proud of because I want to be grateful and happy and kind, but birthdays have always been tough for me, and I feel like a not-so-good side of me appears. This year, I wanted to work at not having those feelings on my birthday. And, truthfully, it was difficult to have those feelings because my birthday was perfect this year. I spent two nights away at a luxury staycation. It was just me, my yoga mat, books, and room service. I was on my own schedule. I ate incredible food prepared for me and I didn’t have to clean up afterwards. I did exactly what I wanted when I wanted. I laid in bed lounging for a lot of that time, which is probably the most luxurious thing a toddler-mom can do. I also spent a lot of time thinking, being inspired, and feeling grateful for what I have.
When I started doing this (personal finance) work over four years ago, my goal was to consume as much stuff as possible within my budget. I wanted to have the most clothes, shoes, new cars - It was always quantity over quality. Buying was fun, satisfying, and filled some void. As I’ve progressed through this work, I’ve learned that quality is much more satisfying that quantity; experiences trump stuff; and time is more important any material possession.
It’s taken several years to get to a place where materiality is less important to me than self-work. While some of it probably has to do with aging and becoming a parent, I attribute a lot of it to the financial work I’ve done, specifically learning about finances, becoming financially secure, and bringing awareness to my own spending habits. Through that work, I’ve learned about what is actually important to me in life. It has been as much a journey of financial wellness as it has been of self-acceptance and self-work.
In Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, a person must satisfy their most basic human needs before they are able to focus on self-actualization, or growth as a person. Similarly, when we have our financial foundation solidly built and feel safe, we can begin to do, and appreciate, more work for our own growth – growth to understand what we care about, what makes us tick, what makes us truly happy.
My husband and I have reached a place financially where we have a lot of security. It doesn’t mean having new or glamorous things, a large home, or fancy cars – it means that our needs are met, we have emergency savings, savings for the future, and, we have strong awareness around good financial habits that support our personal beliefs, habits, goals, and values.
I haven’t always wanted to spend time with myself, but this year, it was the only thing I wanted. I wanted to be alone, to really learn about myself and enjoy being present in my own company. I think it is because I finally feel like my basic needs are met and I’ve brought awareness to a lot of things that affect who I am and where I want to be, and that is in large part through the work we have done on our financial journey.
While I was on my birthday getaway, I read a novel. One quote, from a fictional character, stood out to me. The then-awakened coma patient said, “It is a wonder what being conscious can do for one’s health!” Our work is life-long. Being conscious and paying attention to what is going on for us, can do wonders for our health – both physically and emotionally. Create stability, bring awareness, and embark on your journey of discovering what is important to you.