Don't Settle: Wait for What You Really Want
My two-year old’s favorite activity is going to Target. Some mornings, he will excitedly put his shoes on, march to the front door and announce, “Get money! Go Target! Buy brand new trash truck!” My guess is this passion came about when we took him to buy a toy trash truck when his little brother was born. Last weekend, I wanted to have some one-on-one time with him – a rarity now that there is a small baby tethered to me 16 hours a day. I needed to grocery shop, so I tried to entice him with that. It didn’t work and somehow my tiny two-year-old convinced me we should go to Target.
An hour later, after I dragged him through Costco, we arrived at Target and made our way to the toy section. He gravitated to an enormous, electronic front loader and backhoe combo truck. He played with it on the shelf and then slid the toy off the shelf and exclaimed that it was the one he wanted. I put it back and told him it was too big for that day but perhaps when he had more money to spend or for a big holiday, he might get it. Not wanting to leave empty handed, he grabbed a small train named Percy.
As soon as we got to the car, he realized the situation. He settled for something he didn’t really want and left without the thing he really wanted. True to his nature, he tried to be happy about it. He played with Percy for a while when we got home, before melting down and telling me to take Percy away because he didn’t like it. Every day since, he has suggested we go back to Target to get the backhoe combo.
My son experienced a few, very relatable things:
He settled.
You’ve been in the situation where there’s something you really want, but you don’t want to spend the money on it, so instead you get a similar product that is good enough. Immediately after, you feel disappointed. You wish you had just waited to get the thing you really wanted. Perhaps you end up buying the original thing still, and now you’ve spent even more money.
He was told he couldn’t have the big toy, which made him really want it.
We all want what we can’t have. This toy just became that much more alluring because he was told “no”.
Anticipation is often better than actually receiving the thing.
Anticipation of a reward causes the release of dopamine, the chemical responsible for feeling pleasure. By the time a reward is received, dopamine is no longer released. His anticipation of getting the toy is what excited him. If we buy him this toy, he will play with it for a few days, and it will end up in the toy graveyard with all the other toys he has.
What lessons can we take from this?
When there is something you want, wait for it. Plan for the thing you actually want and only buy once (Percy is a weak substitute for the backhoe-combo). Keep in mind the role of dopamine playing tricks. Remember that you get more satisfaction from the anticipation of having something than the actual possession. Instead of deprivation, consider saying yes, but only when it answers your three guiding questions: Does this purchase match with my values? Does it align with my goals? Is it in my budget?
Don’t settle. Bring things into your life that make you really happy and do it in a way you feel good about.