Success.

When I was in college, I worked for a lawyer who was very successful, and by very successful, I mean that it appeared that he made a lot of money. He went on extravagant business trips, ate at nice restaurants daily, owned multiple expensive cars, sent his kids to private school – the appearance was the American dream I envisioned. The longer I worked for him the more I learned about his life. He was divorced. His kids never wanted to spend time with him. He drank to excess. He spent every holiday working – and forcing his staff to work – so he wouldn’t be alone. He was incapable of caring about his clients, but he had a knack for seeing cases that would make money. Yet, at twenty years old, I thought that having that kind of money must make someone happy. As I was finishing college, I applied to law school with the hopes of having a career as “successful” as his. I got into law school and finished, finally making my way to another lawyer who had even more success and this time, both in his career and in his family. Yet, I saw a similar pattern – his work was the focus of his life. He woke up thinking of his cases and went to sleep thinking of his cases. He worked long hours and spent 10+ hours away from home every day.

When my husband and I began thinking of having children, my vision of success changed. No longer did it seem so important to me to be “successful” like these lawyers were. Success to me, I realized, wasn’t about devoting my life to a career. For me, it is being able to be present in my life and for my children.  It is being able to provide them experiences and opportunities, over redundant material things just for the sake of it. It is being able to provide them love. It is being able to provide them with education. At this stage in my life, success is no longer owning dozens of cars, multiple houses, or dining out daily. 

Three and a half years ago, when we first started our financial freedom journey, we required two incomes to keep our household afloat. Over a two-year period, we paid off all our debt and learned to live on one income. In January, when my husband was supposed to go back to work in person, we realized we reached success. Success for us, was having the opportunity and choice to have our son experience a stay-at-home parent. We chose to have my husband become the stay-at-home parent. For us, having the choice to make my husband the stay-at-home parent was important and turned out to be the right choice. My husband is loving, playful, fun, kind, patient, thoughtful, and all around wonderful. And all these qualities that I experienced in our first years of marriage, have only been amplified as he’s become a dad.  

Our son doesn’t know what kind of cars we drive, or whether we live in a mansion, but he gets to know and feel his parents’ love and attention every day. 

Today I want to honor, acknowledge, and celebrate my husband who has embraced the opportunity to be a stay-at-home dad. It is no easy task. I often watch from the other room as they play on the floor, make vacuuming an adventure, and giggle while making silly noises. I deeply admire my husband’s ability to be present with our son. 

Financial freedom provides the opportunity and choice to give your children whatever it is that you feel they need in that moment. Maybe it’s time. Maybe it’s experiences. For us, right now, it’s the love and attention my husband can give our son every day. And I’m so grateful my son is having this opportunity with his dad, in a time that we can’t get back. 

Happy Father’s day, sweetie. You deserve the acknowledgement of this day everyday.