Summer Lovin’: Do this one thing to strengthen your relationship

A couple of years ago, I met a man at a mediation training session. When I explained my work with couples, he mentioned that he wished he and his ex-wife had worked with a financial coach. Despite years of marriage counseling, their frequent disagreements about money played a significant role in their pending divorce.

Statistics often cite financial issues as a leading cause of divorce. According to Forbes, nearly 40% of divorcing couples point to financial problems as the main reason for their split. The most commonly cited reason: a "lack of commitment."

How we use our resources—time, energy, and money—reflects what we value. If financial problems and a lack of commitment are both major causes of divorce, are they really that different? If we aren't committed to our partner and the relationship, our financial management likely won't reflect shared values. Conversely, financial harmony often indicates a shared commitment to mutual goals and values, strengthening the relationship.

When we enter a relationship, we might get caught up in the excitement and overlook important questions. Beyond simply being together, what direction do we want our lives to take? How do we ensure we’re on an aligned path? How do we reassess this direction when needed? How do we use our resources fairly and create equity? How do we ensure both partners' voices and values are heard?

Money decisions underpin all these questions. If you're married or in a committed relationship where you make decisions together , reflect on how you arrived at this point. Was it a deliberate process, or did it just happen? Is it working? Are you taking time to evaluate what works and what doesn't?

A key component of managing money together is setting aside regular time to review your spending and ensure it aligns with your collective plan. This conversation takes practice and requires truly hearing your partner's interests and responding empathetically.

We may have different experiences and beliefs about money. One partner might feel insecure about finances, while the other is comfortable with risk. Use these discussions to address both partners' needs and create a spending plan that supports the life you want together. This doesn't mean losing independence but rather committing to each other – both as the collective and as individuals.

Weekly Money Dates

Start with weekly money dates to review your tracking and goals, and to understand your partner better. Ensure your budget reflects your essential household needs and one another’s interests. Compliment your partner on what they have done well. If there is disagreement, make statements such as “Tell me more” or “Help me understand,” and work to truly comprehend each other’s perspectives.

This weekly review isn’t just about money. It’s about making sure that you’re on the same path, reaching your goals together, and ensuring that your systems are operating well. Regularly ensure that you're moving in the same direction and that your resources are supporting that path.

Investing time in these conversations is crucial, both during a relationship and in marriage. If you ever face a divorce, you might spend thousands of dollars on an attorney to divide your assets and debts and spend months or years in conflict. Instead, by dedicating a little time each week to understanding your partner better and managing your finances together, you can protect your most important assets and work towards a shared life you both desire.