the confidence to say “no”

Someone asks you to pay for something, pitch in, split a vacation, or maybe even borrow some money. You know it is not in your budget, or maybe you don’t want to spend money on it, or you know you truly cannot afford it, but nevertheless, you say yes. You immediately feel upset, ashamed, or even resentful. You might not be in a financial pickle, but you just went against your values – you spent money on something you didn’t want to.

But, here’s the thing. You feel embarrassed to say “no”. Saying you “can’t afford it” makes you feel like they will perceive you as not worthy. Declining makes you feel bad, too. You feel trapped.

So, what do you do?

When you have a budget that allocates every single dollar to something, and something that you value, you will have a clear roadmap about whether you can say yes, guilt free, or whether you say no. If every dollar is allocated, you will be able to say no with confidence. Your money is essentially already spent. You don’t have to provide an explanation, you can simply say, “I am unable to [help][do that][spend money on that] at this time” or “I will need to check.” If you’re invited on a trip, you might say, “I haven’t yet planned for it, but if we can go at X time, I would love to join.” If you’re asked to do something that you do value, but you haven’t planned for, then make room for it. If you are unable to make room for it in your budget, it likely means it is a lower value than other things in your budget, or not something you value at all.

Creating a budget ahead of time and capturing the things you care about within it provide you the roadmap to get to where you want to go. The boundaries of your budget provide the freedom to accept or decline invitations confidently. And, when you respect your own boundaries, you set yourself up to continue to do so. Each time you respect your own boundaries, you will become more comfortable and confident in your decisions.