Treat yourself.
This last weekend wiped me out. On Friday morning, I presented “How to Plan for (almost) anything” to the solo and small firm section of the New Mexico state bar – a continuing education presentation for attorneys on how to budget and, well, plan for almost anything. On Friday afternoon through Sunday afternoon, I taught a mediation class at the law school. On Monday, our babysitter, who was with us for two glorious Monday afternoons, let me know she was offered her dream job and would not be working with us any longer. By the evening I could hardly think straight. I was physically and emotionally exhausted. Frankly, it was hard to be a present parent.
Around 8pm that night I remembered that our son was spending the next day with his Nonna, his grandmother. I felt this huge weight fall off my shoulders. With two free hands, I would be able to get some much-needed work done. I eagerly set out and made my to-do list and scheduled the day full with tasks I needed to complete: picking out cabinet hardware, returning a light fixture, cleaning our house, cooking dinner, addressing client emails, and completing some client financial reviews.
Despite the massive to do list that I finally felt like I could tackle, I also had this desire to reward myself. I made it through a challenging weekend that involved a ton of preparation and anticipation and I was tired. At one point in my life, I might have treated myself to a pedicure. Or maybe a solo lunch out. Or maybe a new pair of shoes. At this season of my life though, rewarding myself looks a little bit different.
We have a culture of wanting to reward ourselves for everything – good or bad. Have you ever said, “I deserve this” or “I should treat myself”? Rewarding ourselves is good and we should be mindful of how we’re feeling and when we do something we are proud of. However, rewarding ourselves to our financial detriment doesn’t feel like a reward later – it often sets us back on our goals.
In my last post, I wrote about how the budget should reflect the various seasons of our life and we should spend deliberately to focus on our priorities. Rewarding yourself doesn’t have to mean spending money. Rewarding yourself can mean just taking the time to do something you enjoy that you may not get to do very often. I love cooking, but as a mom of a toddler, having undisrupted time to cook a meal and then to get to eat that meal while it’s still hot, is so rare. So, in the middle of the day, in the middle of my to-do list, I rewarded myself such a rarity. I decided to cook. I downloaded an audiobook, made a hot, fresh cup of coffee, and cooked something special for me. I first halved and washed brussels sprouts and roasted them on the stovetop with garlic until they became a beautiful brown color. I then placed them in a hot oven where they finished into a buttery and crispy texture all at once. Finally, I splashed some balsamic vinegar into them and put them aside. I then put two slices of sourdough into the oven to toast and while it was toasting, I cooked an egg to over-easy perfection. I placed avocado slices on my warm toast, topped with my yolky egg, fresh arugula, and sriracha, and I smashed it all together into a warm, dripping sandwich. I had it with my roasted brussels sprouts, some previously roasted acorn squash, and my cup of coffee. Everything was hot and I ate it alone, without sharing any of it. It was bliss.
When I picked my son up from his Nonna’s I still had a lot on my to-do list, but I didn’t feel guilty about spending some of the day on me. If I had stuck to forcing myself to be productive, I wouldn’t have been refreshed. Instead I had important time to myself.
Next time you feel like rewarding yourself, I encourage you to think about doing so with something that fills you up and that doesn’t have a monetary cost. Spending money doesn’t inherently make something a reward. Make a list of things you love and you don’t often get to do so that when you have that feeling of rewarding yourself, you have a list at the ready. You might find that you can incorporate rewards even when you are doing something that feels less than rewarding – watching TV or listening to an audiobook while folding laundry, doing dishes, or even exercising, waking up before everyone else to drink your coffee alone, going for a walk, or taking a long, hot bath.