How are the Joneses, really?
I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “keeping up with the Joneses.” It’s a phrase that refers to a common desire to display the material wealth of our social circles. Sometimes people are working several jobs or jobs they don’t like, going into massive amounts of debt, and sacrificing their financial future to afford a lifestyle that will look like “the Joneses”.
We look to social cues to decide what is appropriate, what we should want, what we should be doing, what we should be wearing, what car we should be driving, where our kids should go to school, what activities they should be engaged in, and everything in between. We’re given even more cues, in the form of mass marketing, prompting, and encouraging our behavior of “keeping up with the Joneses.”
What if people we look to have it wrong? Or, at least, the images promulgated on us are not right for us? We so often neglect to look inward at what it is that we need and want. We often want to look a certain way, not consciously, but because subconsciously we think it will help us fit in.
According to a study from Thriving Wallet, a partnership from Thrive Global and Discover, 90% of individuals say that money has an impact on their stress level; 40% are not working towards their financial future and the same number reports they wish they could have a fresh start; 25% reported they make purchases that they later regret; and, 40% of individuals reported that managing their money daily impacted how much they could enjoy their day-to-day life.
Seeing these numbers, what do we know? We know that the Joneses are stressed the f@*& out, unhappy, and not prepared for their financial future. The Joneses’ lifestyle is just a façade.
If the Joneses are going into debt to look like their neighbors, and it is causing a lot of stress, why would we want to do the same? If we’re looking to those around us, and those around us are looking to those around them, who is deciding what everyone wants? And, if no one is looking inward, who are we working so hard to keep up with?
Looking inward would mean that we only do things that feel good to us. Looking inward requires us to know what feels good and why. If we set a boundary and lived within our means, forcing us to not keep up with those around us, how would that feel?
You might not be aware that you’re looking to others. Or that looking to others is what is causing you financial harm. So, pause. Take stock of where you are. Take stock of what you’re doing. Think about what you want. And, start safe. Focus on creating safety for yourself and your family.
Safety begins with the basics: A budget with expenses lower than income; a roadmap to eliminate debt as quickly as possible; and, a savings/investment plan to prepare for the future. From a place safety, we can work towards understanding what it is we really want. Safety affords us the opportunity to be introspective and the chance to define our own self-worth, independent from the Joneses.
We’re all the Joneses to someone. Someone is trying to keep up with us, just as much as we’re trying to keep up with someone else. A friend of mine just told me something that stuck with me and is fitting here. He said “If you don’t like yourself, 100% of the people in the room don’t like you.” Let’s start liking, and only keeping up with, ourselves.