respecting your boundaries.
Earlier this year, I was teaching a class at the law school. I really wanted to stop for a treat for myself before going to class – maybe a nice coffee or a kombucha. But, alas, I didn’t have any money budgeted for it, so I didn’t stop for one. That seems sort of silly, doesn’t it? I wouldn’t get myself a $5 treat. It almost feels like the advice we hear all the time, that coffee is what makes it so millennials can’t afford houses. Here’s why I didn’t get it though:
I recognized that I was anxious about going to class. I wanted a treat because of how I was feeling and that treat probably wasn’t going to soothe my anxiety more than just tuning into it and acknowledging it.
We are the only people with whom we can set boundaries and we have the choice to observe them. When you set a boundary with someone else, they may violate your boundary. But, when you set a boundary with yourself (in this case, your budget), you are the only one responsible for respecting it. No one else can violate it but you. This, to me, is huge.
When we create a budget, we decide ahead of time how we want to spend our money. We are creating boundaries that align with our values and goals. When we go over budget, we have violated our own boundaries and likely deviated from our values and goals – the only person that typically harms is us. We have a beautiful opportunity to validate ourselves and to honor ourselves when we acknowledge what it is that we set out to do.
Of course, $5 won’t break the bank. But, the more actions I take that violate my own boundaries, the easier it becomes to continue to do and the less I have respect for what I care about. When we do what we say we’re going to do, it becomes easier to continue to do that thing.
I heard this quote from Dr. Andrew Huberman in the past month and it has changed my life: “Neuroplasticity loves a non-negotiable contract.” Here’s what he means: Your brain will literally begin to rewire itself to accomplish what you ask of it if you stick to what you say you’re going to do.
If you create a budget and stick to it, your brain will help you make choices that are supportive. On the other hand, if you constantly go over budget or make choices which you didn’t plan for, your brain is always expending energy trying to figure out what to do and cannot help you make better choices.
Here’s why I love the Bottom Line method. We pre-decide what we want to use our money for. We do so based on reality – things that have occurred in the past and that we can reasonably anticipate will occur in the future. We acknowledge the limitations of our budget, our income, and we create a spending plan that aligns with our values and goals. When we stick to our Bottom Line Budget, our brain continues to help us make choices that align with what we planned. And, when we do that, we quickly are able to accomplish the goals we set out to do.
So, while I would have probably enjoyed that treat before class, the effects of not enjoying it are far greater. My brain will help me continue to make choices that align with what I care about.