Hungry Ghosts and Emotional Spending
In Buddhism, there is the concept of the hungry ghost. It refers to a demonic, insatiable creature. Imagine a ghost, constantly eating and never able to fill its stomach. In psychotherapy, the hungry ghost refers to something similar. The hungry ghost is constantly seeking external validation. The hungry ghost needs it to feel better or achieve relief. When someone is in this state, they are similarly insatiable – they can never get enough to feel well.
We’d like to think that money is simply numbers on a page, but that’s far from the truth. Money has a tremendous emotional component. The way we spend money is deeply rooted in how we feel. We spend when we’re going through a difficult time. We spend to celebrate. We spend because we deserve to. If money were purely a technical problem, we wouldn’t be swayed by effective marketing. Of course, money is not a technical problem, and for many of us we may experience some of the hungry ghost, too. If we fail to recognize it, it can have consequences that reach beyond money.
When we spend in response to an emotional reaction, we feed the insatiable ghost. We don’t pause and look at the deeper need. In doing this, we fail to provide ourselves with the opportunity to find other techniques to self-regulate and to address that need.
Instead of feeling disempowered by the emotional reactions we have, we have an opportunity to become empowered – to understand what causes our spending in response to emotional situations.
How do we start noticing our emotional reactions and spending patterns? We begin by bringing mindfulness to how we use money. Pay attention to emotions as you spend money. Keep a log and note your emotions.
After a frustrating day of work, do you feel like you should treat yourself to dinner?
When you’re feeling alone, do you shop?
When you’re disappointed, do you buy something?
When you’re with friends and feeling connection or gratitude, do you want to treat everyone?
I’ve noticed (in myself and with clients) that these are some common emotions that when experienced, spending seems like it will provide relief:
Disappointment
Aloneness
Boredom
Anticipation
Difficulty
Frustration
Sadness/Upset
Anger
Excitement
Happiness
Connection
When you start noticing that you are experiencing an emotion, followed by spending money as a justification of that emotion or directly related to it, then pause.
Can you give yourself time between experiencing of the emotion and the spending? Emotions are fleeting. If we can give some distance from the immediate impact of the emotion and a financial decision (even a minor one, like a small “treat” – a cup of coffee, a sale, etc.), we can start to find other ways to cope with the experience of the emotion – ways that allow us to address the emotion and the accompanying feelings and learn to understand them, rather than attempting relief through spending.
Managing and spending money will always have some emotional component. Once we can start separating some of the patterns and habits that are not serving us, we can further reap the rewards of the technical components of managing money, like creating and following an intentional spending plan.